The Story of James Robinson

Dear Errosmadre,

I am an alcoholic male. I am in recovery. He is mad — at himself, at the world, at you, at anyone that he can be mad at. Why? Because life sucks! The world is mean! Work is hard! Bosses are mean! It’s Tuesday! HE DOESN’T NEED AN EXCUSE! What he needs is booze and an enabler. He obviously gets both from you. Yet, still he is angry! You are still trying to figure out what to do so that he is not angry anymore. There is nothing that you can do that will make him happy. So do yourself a huge favor; go to Al-Anon.

Your partner will only get worse! This is not an opinion, it is a fact. He loves booze, it is his only friend! It is the only thing that understands him in his life, the only part of his life that is not judgmental. You don’t understand him, family doesn’t understand him…just the booze!

You say that you want real world experience…. Honey, you are living it! It doesn’t get any more real than what you are living with right now, If he hasn’t started already, eventually he will strike out at you, it may be physical or it may be emotional. (He will tell you to move out because you are prying into his life), (He will monitor who you are talking to and what you are saying for fear that you are talking about him to friends or family).

Please, have no respect for alcohol. It is cunning and resourcefull! I notice that you mention that he “Loves whiskey” but you never mention love about you, ” what can I do as a partner…” You don’t refer to yourself as a lover, a wife, a husband. You can’t save him! Don’t even try!

You can educate yourself. You can go to fellowship with other members who have walked in your boots. You can see through these people that you are being dragged into the abyss that he is living. Only he can decide to stop drinking. You can do nothing! Don’t cope, get help! You are suffering too!

If you are not a religious person, do not worry. I am not a church going Christian nor am I affiliated with any other religion. I know that with me not drinking, my life is better. I know with me not drinking, my family does not have to walk around on tip-toes and I know that when I am mad or angry, it is not the alcohol!

Please look on your search engine for “al-anon, ___________” (your area) and you will see several sites, it’s a free meeting of people just like you… They all have real-world experiences and interactions. And no person will judge you bad for it, because it is not your fault! It is the alcohol, it has clouded his mind. Someone needs to see through the fog, if he will not then you must!

Trust me, it works!

James

Alcoholic in recovery in San Diego, California